In the years since I delivered my twin boys and then their little brother, I’ve come across a few articles on the internet profiling women – American women – who really really really want to have a girl. Women who go into states of depression when the ultrasound reveals a budding penis. Women who have many boys . . . because they keep trying to have a girl. And women who are willing to spend a lot of money on unproven “medical” techniques that hold the promise of two x chromosomes. I just don’t get it. Boys are awesome!
I mean, I’m a woman, so I get that women like the company of other women. I get that a woman believes a daughter is the child who will spend time doing what mom likes to do – chatting on the phone, checking out shoes and bags at the mall, gossiping, whatever. But if you don’t have a daughter, is it really something to freak out about? Can’t you still do all those girly things with – oh, I don’t know – your adult female friends? As I said – and I speak from mucho experience – boys are the bomb! (I know I’m seriously dating myself here but I don’t know how people go about conveying the essence of bombness these days). To wit, the experiences I would not have had, in all likelihood, if I didn’t have boys.
1. I would not have seen The Sandlot more than fifty times. Well, actually I didn’t see it that many times. I heard it from nearby rooms. But my boys saw it that many times if not more. And I saw it enough to remember key lines: “You’re killing me, Smalls!”
2. I’m pretty sure girls are enthusiastic and all when you come home from work or return home from an errand, but do they push their siblings out of the way in order to get to you first? Do they make each other cry while pushing each other out of the way? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
3. Boy smell.
4. Boy story telling. Every day I am treated to a story that goes something like this: “So and so did this and then so and so did that . . . and then . . . And Then! . . . AND THEN!!! . . . Isn’t that funny mommy?!? Should I tell you again?!?”
5. How disinterested are boys in the information you designate as vitally important? (Who they sat with at lunch, who bothered them at recess, what the other kids pack for lunch, etc.) A hint – their interest in what you deem important is related to your interest in what they feel is important – Minecraft, Lego minifigures, negotiations over bedtime, and what they want you to get them for their birthday that is eleven months away.
Me: Soooo, how was school today? Anything interesting happen?
Boys: It was good.
Me: How do you feel about that [insert name of standardized test in your state] you took today?
In other words, just like trying to elicit important details from men.
6. Speaking of Lego minifigures, I hate them! It’s never the one they want, even when we conduct a patdown of the package looking for clues in the way the objects feel. I’m pretty sure they make a lot more of the ones no kid wants so that you keep buying in the hopes of getting Emmit or Gandalf or whichever character your kid desperately wants. I know this doesn’t fit into my list of reasons why boys are the bomb, but I needed to get that off my chest.
7. Boys will make you less squeamish. They love worms and frogs and all things slimy and wriggly. Because you love your boys so much, you will gradually become less appalled by these creatures.
8. Boys will give you cause to not sweat the small stuff. Two of my boys (the ones who don’t bite their nails) always have dirt under their nails. I have to cut the six-year-old’s nails and remind the older child to cut his, but sometimes I don’t get around to it and they go to piano lessons with dirt-crusted talons. I used to feel really mortified over these sort of things. But then I had to go to the ER a couple times for boy hijinks. I got over dirty nails and the like. I have boys, so sue me.
9. Boys are convinced their mommies are the most beautiful women on earth. I know little girls believe this too, but little boys have the most lovingly unadorned way of expressing their belief in their mommy’s beauty. The other day, I was on my way to an evening function which required a little more makeup and blow dry time than usual. When I emerged from my bedroom with puffy hair and red lips, one of my twins took one look at me and announced, “Mommy, everyone’s gonna look like crap next to you!” If that doesn’t give your self esteem a big boost, there is no hope for you.
10. Related to number 9, your son will think you’re beautiful even when you’re overdue for your cut and color appointment, your undereye concealer is not doing the job you spent good money for it to do, and you’re wearing a baseball cap and sweats. This is because they equate your beauty with all the things you do for them. They look at you and see the goddess who packs their lunch, the beauty queen who very gently washes their blankie so it doesn’t disintegrate, the Mona Lisa who displays their artwork on the refrigerator. They see your love. Maybe little girls also think their mothers look gorgeous in their bathrobes, gym clothes or pajamas. But being women-in-training, they probably think you would look better if you were wearing a tiara or glitter nail polish. Boys really don’t care.
Okay, okay, I know girls are fun too and that some of the behavior I’m highlighting here applies to children of both genders. This is just a blog post, not a proposal for a thesis. All I know are my boys, and I just had to put it out there how much I think they rock. :-)